Getting Back Into Dating in Midlife: What Two Years Off Taught Me
I've been out of the dating game for a couple of years. Not because anything went wrong. I got comfortable. I built a life I love, I got independent in a way that felt good, and dating just wasn't the thing I was reaching for. So when I got back on the apps this summer, I figured it would feel like riding a bike. It did not.
What Grief Looks Like When You're the Other Woman Who Ended It
When most people break up, they grieve what they had. The life, the person, the years. You get to mourn something real, something other people watched happen, something you can talk about at dinner.
When you're the other woman and you're the one who ends it, the grief is a different animal. You're grieving him, yes. But you're also grieving everything you imagined and never got to have. And that part is often the harder one, because you can't even point to a memory. You're mourning a future that never existed.
What a Month in LA Taught Me About Getting Out of My Comfort Zone
I just wrapped a month in LA, and I'm going to say it plainly: it was the best decision I've made this year. Not close. I extended the trip an extra ten days because I didn't want it to end, and I drove home at 3:33 in the morning feeling like I'd jumped timelines.
Here's what actually happened, and why I'd tell any woman sitting in her own comfort zone to book the trip.
How to Know When You're Ready to End an Affair With a Married Man
Every conversation about being the other woman circles back to him. Getting fed up with his behavior. Fed up with him not choosing you. Fed up with waiting for a call, a plan, a version of him that keeps not showing up. Those feelings are real. I've had every single one of them. But they're not the thing that got me out.
Getting Back on Dating Apps in Your 40s When You've Been Single a While
For years, my answer to dating apps was a flat no. I'd been single a while. I was independent, comfortable in my own company, and I'd built a life I genuinely liked. Every time the apps came up, I passed. I'd tried them before and never once enjoyed the experience, so why sign up for more of that?
This summer I changed my mind. Not because being alone stopped working for me, but because I actually do want someone in my life, and you can't want that and keep doing nothing about it.
What Nobody Tells You About Waiting as the Other Woman
A couple of months ago I said something on the podcast that I keep coming back to, so I'm going to say it here too.
You are worthy of someone who can be with you 100%, 100% of the time.
When you're in an affair, that's not what you're getting. You're getting whatever he's able to give you. Some days that's a lot. Most days it isn't. It is never 100%.
Dating When Your Past Is Public: What Happened When a Hinge Match Googled Me
When I started The Scarlet Edit, I wasn't thinking about my dating life. I was thinking about the show. It didn't cross my mind that putting my whole story out into the world would follow me onto the apps. But it does. I'm single, I'm on Hinge, and I'm Googleable. My Instagram bio says I was the other woman for five years. Anyone I match with can find that in about thirty seconds.
So what actually happens when a date knows your past before he knows you? This week I found out.
Why Women Stay With Husbands Who Keep Cheating — Amber's Story of Repair After Years of Betrayal
This week I sit down with Amber Laird, who reached out after I put a post on LinkedIn asking to talk to women who'd been betrayed. What came out of our conversation is one of the most honest infidelity stories I've put on the show. Amber's mom cheated on her dad when Amber was eight. Years later, she married a man whose father had also cheated repeatedly on his mother. They walked into their marriage carrying the exact same pattern from opposite directions, and for years, they lived it out.
How to Get Comfortable Doing Things Alone
I do a lot of things by myself. I eat alone, I travel alone, I go to events alone, and none of it feels like a big deal anymore. But I remember when it did.
This week I drove out to Oxnard by myself to see my favorite comedian run new material at a tiny club. I ended up seated in the front row, about four feet from the stage, and I had the best time. It got me thinking about how many women won't do the thing they actually want to do just because they don't have someone to do it with.
Why I Shared My Affair Story Publicly (And What I Learned in One Year)
One year ago today, I posted the first episode of The Scarlet Edit and told the world I was the other woman for five years.
I had no idea if anyone would listen. Now, 71 episodes in, this show has reached women in 97 countries, every U.S. state, and six of the seven continents. Antarctica, I'm coming for you next.