Why I Shared My Affair Story Publicly (And What I Learned in One Year)

One year ago today, I posted the first episode of The Scarlet Edit and told the world I was the other woman for five years.

I had no idea if anyone would listen. Now, 71 episodes in, this show has reached women in 97 countries, every U.S. state, and six of the seven continents. Antarctica, I'm coming for you next.

This is the episode where I tell the actual origin story. Why I made the show. Why I made it about me. Why I'm still doing it. And what one year of saying the unspeakable thing out loud actually did to my life.

Why I shared my affair story publicly

Most people assume I started this show because I needed to confess. Like I was working something out in public.

That's not what happened.

I was sitting with the fact that I'd been in a five-year affair, and I realized something. That relationship was one of the most impactful experiences of my adult life. It shaped me. It changed me. It was a huge part of how I became the woman I am right now. And I was treating it like it didn't exist.

What was standing in my way was the hiding. Pretending that chapter didn't exist was the thing costing me.

So I made a choice. I'd rather be a woman who tells the truth and gets judged for it than a woman who edits her own life so other people stay comfortable.

You don't owe anyone your relationship history

I want to be clear about something, because people have asked why I'd open myself up to that kind of scrutiny. Here's what I'll say to anyone reading this who's sitting on a chapter of their life that doesn't fit the brand the world wants them to project.

You owe nobody your relationship history.

Not your friends. Not your dates. Not your family. Not the internet. Not the woman at school pickup who asked you a leading question. Your past is yours. You decide what to do with it.

I chose to share mine because that's what worked for me. It wouldn't work for everyone, and I'm not telling you it should. Some women heal in private. Some women heal by writing it down and never showing anyone. Some women heal by telling one person they trust and locking the rest in a drawer.

All of that is legitimate.

What I'm saying is this. If hiding your story is costing you the life you actually want to live, that's worth paying attention to. That's where I was. And the cost was too high.

What changed when I stopped editing my own life

When I started telling the truth out loud, two important things happened.

Other women started reaching out. Women in marriages where they'd been the other woman. Women who'd been cheated on. Women who'd been both. Women coming out of long affairs not knowing how to rebuild their lives. They weren't asking me to fix anything. They were saying thank you for saying it first.

And my coaching practice came out of it. I work with women claiming their self-worth in the middle of infidelity, divorce, and starting over. That work wouldn't exist if I'd kept hiding. The reason women trust me to walk into that with them is because I've already walked through it myself, out loud.

What I'd say if you're sitting on a story

This isn't advice. I'm not in the business of telling women what to do with their stories.

But if you're sitting on something heavy, ask yourself one question.

Is hiding this costing me the life I actually want?

If the answer is no, keep it. Your story, your call. No guilt.

If the answer is yes, that's information. That's worth knowing.

One year ago I answered yes. I'm still answering yes today. On the days when it's hard, when somebody sends me a message I didn't want to read, when a stranger thinks they get to weigh in on my life because I made it public, I remind myself of the original answer. Hiding was costing me more than telling.

Year two of The Scarlet Edit starts now. I don't know exactly where it's going. But, I know it's going somewhere big.

FAQ

Do I have to share my affair story publicly to heal from it?

No. Healing doesn't require an audience. Some women process privately, some with one trusted person, some with a therapist or coach, and some choose a public path because hiding became the bigger problem. The right answer is the one that helps you actually move forward.

Should I tell people I was the other woman?

You don't owe anyone your relationship history. Telling your story is a choice, not an obligation. The only useful question is whether keeping it hidden is currently costing you something you want, like ease in your friendships, honesty in your dating life, or freedom in your work. If yes, that's data. If no, your privacy is valid.

How do you talk about an affair without sounding defensive?

Stop trying to be sympathetic. The minute you start performing remorse for an audience, you lose. Tell what happened, what you learned, and what you'd do differently without apologizing for being a person who made a complicated choice.

What is The Scarlet Edit podcast about?

The Scarlet Edit is a weekly podcast about infidelity, divorce, and starting over, hosted by Nikki Corbett. She was the other woman for five years and now has honest conversations about what most women won't say out loud, with no shame, no judgment, and no performative remorse.

How long does it take to heal from a long-term affair?

Longer than you want, shorter than you fear, and entirely on its own clock. There's no universal timeline. What I tell the women I coach is that healing isn't a clean line, it's a series of decisions you make about who you want to be next. Some of those decisions take a day, some take a year.

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