How to Get Comfortable Doing Things Alone

I do a lot of things by myself. I eat alone, I travel alone, I go to events alone, and none of it feels like a big deal anymore. But I remember when it did.

This week I drove out to Oxnard by myself to see my favorite comedian run new material at a tiny club. I ended up seated in the front row, about four feet from the stage, and I had the best time. It got me thinking about how many women won't do the things they actually want to do just because they don't have someone to do it with.

Why doing things by yourself is worth getting good at

I think it's important for all of us, single or not, to do things on our own. Sit at a coffee shop, go to a restaurant, see a movie, catch a concert, sit in a park. There's something about being out in the world by yourself that you don't get any other way.

For me it came from travel. I've been to a lot of places on my own, and once you've eaten dinner alone in a country where you don't speak the language, a solo lunch down the street stops feeling scary. The comfort builds. You just have to start.

Taking yourself on a date and meaning it

When I went to that comedy show alone, I wasn't waiting for anyone to be free. I saw that Tom Segura was running new material nearby, I knew I'd be in LA, so I went. That's it.

That's the whole thing most women are missing. You don't need a plus-one to have a great night. Some of my best experiences have been the ones I said yes to on my own.

The strange realness of parasocial relationships

Something funny happened at that show. As Tom walked out, I caught myself smiling, all excited, half-expecting him to go, "Hey Nikki, how's it going?" He doesn't know me. I'm a stranger. I'm one of the fans.

That's a parasocial relationship. I've watched his specials so many times and listened to both his podcasts, so my brain genuinely feels like I know him. I don't. But sitting that close, I got to watch him as a creator instead of just a fan. The way he walked out, said hello, and had the whole room roaring within seconds. He ran two endings to the same joke and asked us which one we liked better. He did crowd work I'd never seen him do. Watching a master of his craft that up close was its own kind of gift.

Back on the apps, and why it wasn't the point

I'll be straight about the dating side too, because a few weeks in I told everyone it hadn't really materialized. Then it did. I matched with someone who seems really nice, and we're going to dinner. For the first time in a while, it actually feels like a date instead of a meetup.

But here's what I want you to hear. I wasn't sitting home waiting for that match to make my summer good. I was already at the beach party, already going to the Dodgers game, already in the front row at that comedy show. The dating is a nice addition. It was never the thing holding the whole season together.

Today is the one-year anniversary of The Scarlet Edit. One full year of showing up every Thursday. I'm big on anniversaries, and this one means a lot. A year ago I couldn't have told you exactly where this would go. I still can't. But I know the best parts came from saying yes and going anyway, usually by myself.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you get comfortable doing things alone?

Start small and build. Pick something low-pressure like a coffee shop or a walk in a park, then work up to a meal or a movie. The more you do it, the more normal it feels. For me, solo travel made everything else easy by comparison.

Is it weird to go to a concert or comedy show by yourself?

No. Most people are focused on the show, not on who you came with. I sat front row at a comedy show alone and had one of the best nights of my summer. Going solo often means better seats and zero compromise on what you want to do.

What does taking yourself on a date actually mean?

It means doing something you want to do without waiting for anyone else to be available. A nice dinner, an event, a movie, a trip. You are the plus-one. It's one of the fastest ways to get comfortable in your own company.

What is a parasocial relationship?

It's the one-sided sense of connection you feel toward someone you follow but have never met, like a comedian, podcaster, or creator. You feel like you know them because you consume their work, even though they don't know you exist. It's completely normal and very common.

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