Why Men Pull Away After Getting Close (What I Learned in Three Weeks)
Three weeks. That's how long I saw a guy in Scottsdale before I left for Greece, and for three weeks he did everything right. He asked me out after every date. He let me be pursued. His texts weren't "morning, sexy" nonsense, they were plans, because we actually saw each other. His actions backed up his words. Then one morning they stopped, and I got a front-row seat to a question a lot of women in their 40s are asking: why do men pull away after getting close?
Why I Stopped Taking Dating Advice From My Friends
I'm writing this from Greece. Chapter three of The Summer of George, and I picked the dating diary back up right where I left it: seeing someone for about three weeks, and somewhere in those three weeks, the feelings I swore I wasn't looking for showed up anyway.
Which is funny, because when I started dating again I genuinely didn't think I'd meet anyone I actually liked. I figured it would be about going on dates and meeting people and filling my time. Not this. So now I'm 7,000 miles from home, feelings involved, and I've had a lot of slow Greek mornings to think about what I've actually learned about dating in my 40s.
I Swore I'd Never Do It Again. Then I Got Back on the Apps.
If you go back far enough in my old episodes, you'll hear me swear off dating apps completely. I hated them. I said I'd never do them again, probably more than once, and I fully meant it.
Then in June, I got back on one. And this whole summer happened because of it.
Dating Again After a Long Time: What It Actually Brings Up
I hadn't dated in a while. Not because I was hiding from it, I just hadn't. And when I got back out there, I found out fast that dating again does something no amount of alone time can do: it holds up a mirror and shows you exactly what you still need to work on.
Getting Ghosted After Making Plans: A Real Week Back on the Apps
He made the plans. Not me. He called me, asked me out, picked the day and the time himself. And then he went silent for four days and flaked the afternoon of the date with a text I still haven't heard back from.
Welcome to being back on the apps.
This is week nine of The Summer of George, and I'm out here dating again in a way I haven't in a while. Some of it is fun. Some of it is baffling. And this week gave me a little of both, so let me walk you through it.
Getting Back Into Dating in Midlife: What Two Years Off Taught Me
I've been out of the dating game for a couple of years. Not because anything went wrong. I got comfortable. I built a life I love, I got independent in a way that felt good, and dating just wasn't the thing I was reaching for. So when I got back on the apps this summer, I figured it would feel like riding a bike. It did not.
What a Month in LA Taught Me About Getting Out of My Comfort Zone
I just wrapped a month in LA, and I'm going to say it plainly: it was the best decision I've made this year. Not close. I extended the trip an extra ten days because I didn't want it to end, and I drove home at 3:33 in the morning feeling like I'd jumped timelines.
Here's what actually happened, and why I'd tell any woman sitting in her own comfort zone to book the trip.
Getting Back on Dating Apps in Your 40s When You've Been Single a While
For years, my answer to dating apps was a flat no. I'd been single a while. I was independent, comfortable in my own company, and I'd built a life I genuinely liked. Every time the apps came up, I passed. I'd tried them before and never once enjoyed the experience, so why sign up for more of that?
This summer I changed my mind. Not because being alone stopped working for me, but because I actually do want someone in my life, and you can't want that and keep doing nothing about it.
Dating When Your Past Is Public: What Happened When a Hinge Match Googled Me
When I started The Scarlet Edit, I wasn't thinking about my dating life. I was thinking about the show. It didn't cross my mind that putting my whole story out into the world would follow me onto the apps. But it does. I'm single, I'm on Hinge, and I'm Googleable. My Instagram bio says I was the other woman for five years. Anyone I match with can find that in about thirty seconds.
So what actually happens when a date knows your past before he knows you? This week I found out.
How to Get Comfortable Doing Things Alone
I do a lot of things by myself. I eat alone, I travel alone, I go to events alone, and none of it feels like a big deal anymore. But I remember when it did.
This week I drove out to Oxnard by myself to see my favorite comedian run new material at a tiny club. I ended up seated in the front row, about four feet from the stage, and I had the best time. It got me thinking about how many women won't do the thing they actually want to do just because they don't have someone to do it with.