What Dating in Your 40s Taught Me in One Summer
I'm tired. Not the bad kind. The kind that lands after a summer that unfolded in ways I never saw coming, and finally lets you sit still and look at what actually happened.
This is the second-to-last week of my summer dating series, and I'm not here with another wild recap. I'm in Greece, the place I love more than anywhere, and I decided to spend these last weeks living a little softer. So instead of chasing one more story, I looked back at the four men I dated this summer and asked myself what I'm actually keeping from each one.
Why I Stopped Taking Dating Advice From My Friends
I'm writing this from Greece. Chapter three of The Summer of George, and I picked the dating diary back up right where I left it: seeing someone for about three weeks, and somewhere in those three weeks, the feelings I swore I wasn't looking for showed up anyway.
Which is funny, because when I started dating again I genuinely didn't think I'd meet anyone I actually liked. I figured it would be about going on dates and meeting people and filling my time. Not this. So now I'm 7,000 miles from home, feelings involved, and I've had a lot of slow Greek mornings to think about what I've actually learned about dating in my 40s.
Getting Ghosted After Making Plans: A Real Week Back on the Apps
He made the plans. Not me. He called me, asked me out, picked the day and the time himself. And then he went silent for four days and flaked the afternoon of the date with a text I still haven't heard back from.
Welcome to being back on the apps.
This is week nine of The Summer of George, and I'm out here dating again in a way I haven't in a while. Some of it is fun. Some of it is baffling. And this week gave me a little of both, so let me walk you through it.
Getting Back on Dating Apps in Your 40s When You've Been Single a While
For years, my answer to dating apps was a flat no. I'd been single a while. I was independent, comfortable in my own company, and I'd built a life I genuinely liked. Every time the apps came up, I passed. I'd tried them before and never once enjoyed the experience, so why sign up for more of that?
This summer I changed my mind. Not because being alone stopped working for me, but because I actually do want someone in my life, and you can't want that and keep doing nothing about it.
Dating When Your Past Is Public: What Happened When a Hinge Match Googled Me
When I started The Scarlet Edit, I wasn't thinking about my dating life. I was thinking about the show. It didn't cross my mind that putting my whole story out into the world would follow me onto the apps. But it does. I'm single, I'm on Hinge, and I'm Googleable. My Instagram bio says I was the other woman for five years. Anyone I match with can find that in about thirty seconds.
So what actually happens when a date knows your past before he knows you? This week I found out.
How to Get Comfortable Doing Things Alone
I do a lot of things by myself. I eat alone, I travel alone, I go to events alone, and none of it feels like a big deal anymore. But I remember when it did.
This week I drove out to Oxnard by myself to see my favorite comedian run new material at a tiny club. I ended up seated in the front row, about four feet from the stage, and I had the best time. It got me thinking about how many women won't do the thing they actually want to do just because they don't have someone to do it with.
How to Put Yourself Out There When You're Dating in Your 40s
I'm in Los Angeles for a few weeks, and this week I did something that surprised me a little. I texted a guy first.
That sentence might not sound revolutionary. But if you know me, you know I'm a traditional dater. I want the man to make the plan. I want him to pick the place. I want him to hold the door. So when I reached out to someone I'd met on Instagram a few months ago — someone who lives in LA, someone I'd traded voice notes with before life pulled us in different directions — pressing send was the whole point.