Reading My Most Judgmental YouTube Comments About Being the Other Woman

It’s Easy to Leave a Comment…

I get comments on my YouTube videos months after they go up. That's the thing about my podcast content — it's evergreen. Someone finds an episode, has feelings about it, and drops a comment. I respond to every single one. And almost nobody writes me back.

So I did what made sense. I took eight of those comments and responded on the show.

When People Tell You How You Should Feel

The first comment insisted that 90% of men will cheat regardless of how happy they are. I pushed back on that hard. Reducing men to people who can't control themselves is sad, and I think it says more about how we view relationships than it does about actual men. Sure, some people will take whatever they can get whenever they can get it. But 90%? That's a massive stretch.

Another commenter told me to keep sharing my story so other women wouldn't "waste five years of their life." It was framed as a compliment, but it was reductive. I've said many times that I wouldn't enter into this kind of relationship again. But my experience wasn't a waste, and I've never performed regret for anyone. There's a difference between learning from something and turning yourself into a cautionary tale on demand.

Why Refusing Shame Makes People So Uncomfortable

A few of the comments circled the same idea: you should feel bad about this. One person wrote "no guilt, no shame, no empathy" and never came back to explain. Another told me I need God.

I've always had faith. I've never carried shame about this relationship. Those two things exist at the same time without contradiction. And I think the reason this makes people uncomfortable is because there's a societal expectation that if you step outside the lines, you're supposed to crumble. When you don't, it disrupts the narrative people need to believe about right and wrong.

I'm not sitting here condoning affairs. I am saying that every relationship is different, and you can absolutely come through something like this without guilt eating you alive.

The Longest Comment Asked What I'd Do If It Happened to Me

One person wanted to know how I'd feel if the roles were reversed. Fair question. And I sat with it. My answer is that I can't say, because I've never been there. And I think if most people are being radically honest with themselves, they'd admit the same thing. It's easy to declare what you'd do from a distance. It's a completely different thing to actually be in it.

I also addressed the part of that comment that said I was "participating in someone lying to and betraying and deceiving their wife." Based on what I was told, and what I chose to believe, she was aware of our relationship. Hindsight is always 20/20, and I've talked about that openly. But in the moment, I was looking at everything through the lens of what I'd been told. And if I'm being very honest, a lot of me still wants to believe it was the truth.

I Was Not a Toy, and I Was Not Manipulated

One commenter said I was used as a toy and manipulated. I have free will. I'm a grown woman who made her own choices about her own life. He wasn't keeping me hostage. I could have left whenever I wanted, and eventually I did.

I also still push back on calling him a cheater and a liar as if those labels capture the full picture. I believe infidelity is a symptom, not the problem. There are always deeper things going on. And I still have respect for him. I still wish him well.

The same commenter said he would have gotten bored with me. And I defended myself on that one with my whole chest. I am a really good time. I live loudly. I live boldly. When you're with me, you laugh, you eat great food, you have incredible conversations. You do not get bored.

Where I Am Now

I ended that relationship because I needed to. Not because someone shamed me into it, not because a YouTube comment convinced me, but because it was time for me to choose something different for myself. And I am so in love with where I am today.

If you left one of these comments, come back. Let's keep the conversation going.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you be the other woman and not feel guilty about it? Yes. Guilt doesn't automatically follow every relationship that falls outside conventional norms. When the emotional connection is real and the circumstances are layered, many women process the experience without shame.

Is infidelity always about sex? No. Many affairs involve deep emotional connection, friendship, companionship, and genuine love. Reducing them to a physical act ignores why they happen in the first place.

Why don't some women feel shame about having an affair? Because shame is a social expectation, not an automatic human response. When someone has processed their experience on their own terms and made peace with their choices, they don't owe anyone a performance of regret.

Is cheating a symptom of a bigger problem? In many cases, yes. Infidelity often stems from emotional disconnection, unresolved personal issues, or avoidance. It rarely happens in relationships where both people feel fully seen and fulfilled.

How should you respond to judgmental comments about your past? With honesty and without defensiveness. You can engage with substance, share your perspective, and move on. You don't owe strangers an apology for your lived experience.

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