Why Choosing Happiness After an Affair is Powerful
And why you should choose it, too.
I actively choose happiness and joy every single day. And the more I share that publicly, the more it seems to confuse people.
The other day, a woman I connected with on LinkedIn asked how my year was going. I told her it's been amazing. Her response? "Amazing. That's a strong word." And I thought, yeah, it is. And I chose it on purpose. I choose to find joy in the little things. I choose to wake up excited. I choose to make happiness part of my routine the same way I make working out part of my routine.
But here's what makes this interesting: I'm not saying this from some charmed, untouched life. I was the other woman in a five-year affair with a married man. I've been divorced. I got into a situationship after the affair that wrecked me in ways the other two relationships didn't. I have lived through things that most people only whisper about. And yet happiness is my baseline. Joy is where I start every morning.
That confuses people. Why? I think it's because society has written a script for women like me, and I'm not following it.
When you go online and share that you were the other woman, people make assumptions immediately. They fill in the gaps of your story with their own version. One of the biggest assumptions? That I must have come from dysfunction. That I must have daddy issues. That something must have been broken in me to end up in that situation. But I had a beautiful, happy, normal upbringing. My parents have been married over 50 years and they genuinely love and like each other. I was shown positivity from a very young age, and I believe it got ingrained in me.
That doesn't mean I've been positive every second of my life. I've had moments of negativity, frustration, and straight-up anger. But at this point in my life, I believe so strongly that words have power. I actively choose my words. I try not to talk negatively about other people or to myself. And when I catch myself slipping, I course-correct.
There was a moment on vacation in Greece where I looked in the mirror and the words just came out: "I value myself." It wasn't planned. It was this raw, involuntary declaration that came after my marriage ended, the affair ended, and a painful situationship ended. It was my brain and body finally saying — I am done letting other people dictate my emotions. I am done being in relationships that don't serve me. I am choosing me from this moment forward.
When I got divorced at 38, I knew in my core it was the right decision for both of us. It was still hard and still sad. But I was grateful that I didn't spiral into regret about lost time or missed milestones. I could have been the woman thinking about kids I didn't have or years I couldn't get back. Instead, I was grateful that I was someone who could see the clarity in the pain.
Then came the affair. And then choosing to end it when I realized I was waiting for someone who couldn't choose me on my timeline. I couldn't control his decisions. I couldn't control his life. I could only control me. So I ended it. And then I couldn't even control my own grief — I just had to feel it all and work through it.
That lesson — you can only control what you can control — has been the single biggest contributor to my happiness. As the other woman, I waited. I waited for phone calls. I waited for holidays to be over. I waited for him to choose me. And ultimately, I never got what I wanted from that waiting. So I did the only thing I could do: I chose myself.
If you are the other woman right now, I know how hard that is. I know what it feels like when everything is amazing when you're together and absolutely gutting when you're not. But that one decision — choosing yourself — will change the trajectory of your life. I am living proof.
People expect me to be ashamed. They expect me to be broken, bitter, full of regret. And when I'm not, it short-circuits something in them. Someone commented on my YouTube saying I need God. I responded that I've always had God. She assumed I had repented and felt shame. I told her I have no regrets and no shame. Two things can be true at the same time.
It's almost like there's a societal narrative that if you're single, divorced, childless, or you were the other woman, you're resigned to misery forever. And I say no. I reject that script entirely. Choosing happiness isn't toxic positivity, but evidently it's the most radical thing I do. Because given my story, the expectation is suffering. And I refuse.
This mindset is why The Scarlet Edit exists. About a year ago, I had this idea that my story could help other women. I gave a rough version of it as a talk at a retreat in Austin, got incredible feedback, and eventually had a lightbulb moment during a branding program that brought it all together: sunset the old podcast, start a new one, lead with my story, and build everything around choosing yourself and refusing to let shame win.
The Scarlet Edit exists because I finally refused to let somebody else tell my story. I took that control back. And I'm going to keep sharing it because I believe every woman deserves to decide how she feels about her own life. Nobody else should have that power.
If people think it's weird that I'm happy after everything I've been through? Good. Let them. The right people will find me. And if I can choose happiness after all of this, so can you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you be happy after being the other woman? Yes. Happiness after an affair is not only possible, it's a choice you can make every single day. It requires processing the grief, choosing yourself, and refusing to let societal shame dictate how you feel about your own life. It's not about denying what happened — it's about deciding that your past doesn't get to write your future.
How do you let go of shame after an affair? Letting go of shame starts with recognizing that much of it is externally imposed. Society expects women who were the other woman or a woman who betrayed her spouse to perform suffering indefinitely. Releasing shame means separating what you actually feel from what others expect you to feel, and choosing to define your own narrative.
How do I choose myself after a toxic relationship? Choosing yourself starts with one decision — deciding that you deserve more than what you've been accepting. That might mean ending a relationship, setting boundaries, or simply refusing to let another person's choices dictate your emotions. It's not a one-time event; it's a daily practice.
Is it normal to not regret being the other woman or cheating on your partner? There's no single "normal" response to any relationship experience. Some women carry deep regret, others don't. Not having regret doesn't mean you lack empathy or self-awareness — it can mean you've processed the experience, taken what you learned, and moved forward without erasing the parts of your journey that shaped who you are today.
How do you stay positive after divorce? Staying positive after divorce is an active, daily choice. It involves focusing on what you can control, building a routine that prioritizes your well-being, surrounding yourself with people who support your growth, and being honest with yourself about both the hard moments and the good ones.
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