Untangling Complex Shame in Love, Life, and Infidelity

A riveting conversation with a psychotherapist you don't want to miss.

Shame is sneaky. It hides in our stories, it burrows into our relationships, and it convinces us that we’re unworthy of love. In this episode of The Scarlet Edit, I sit down with Dr. Zoe Shaw, a psychotherapist who coined the term complex shame after walking through it herself.

Dr. Zoe opens up about her early life, being sent away to a pregnancy home at 15, growing up in a strict religious environment, and carrying secrets that shaped her for decades. Her story isn’t just about survival, it’s about transformation. She explains how shame attaches to our identity, how it differs from guilt, and why some shame can’t be healed by simply being vulnerable.

We dive into the difference between simple shame—the kind that lifts when someone says “me too”—and complex shame, which lingers, weaves into our self-worth, and fuels codependency in relationships. Dr. Zoe reveals how these patterns affect everything from infidelity to how we choose partners, often leading us to repeat cycles of pain.

This conversation hit me hard. I even shared a memory I hadn’t thought of in years—one that reminded me just how deep shame can run. Dr. Zoe calls that inner voice the “phantom critic,” and once you recognize it, you can start to quiet it.

We talk about why shame makes us hide, why codependency often follows, and how to finally break free from the belief that we’re unlovable. If you’ve ever carried guilt, stayed in a relationship out of fear, or felt like you’re hustling for your worthiness, this episode will help you see yourself differently.

Because you are not your shame. And you deserve the love and life you want—unapologetically.

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