Fantasy Access: Why Someone Feels Close but Never Shows Up

And How to Cut It Off For Good

There’s a specific kind of confusion that doesn’t come from chaos — it comes from almost.

Almost closeness.
Almost connection.
Almost something real.

Someone is present enough to stay in your orbit. They watch. They react. They engage just enough to remind you they exist. And yet, nothing actually moves forward.

No clarity.
No real presence.
No risk.

I recorded this week’s episode of The Scarlet Edit because I finally had a name for that dynamic: fantasy access.

Fantasy access is when someone feels entitled to emotional proximity without doing anything in real life to earn it. They stay close without showing up. Familiar without commitment. Adjacent without responsibility.

And it’s subtle — which is why it’s so effective.

This isn’t about dating, specifically. It shows up everywhere:

• after divorce

• during emotional transitions

• with people who aren’t ready to be alone but aren’t capable of connection

• with those who prefer ambiguity because it protects them from risk

Fantasy access thrives on low effort. Likes. Views. Check-ins that go nowhere. Enough attention to keep you engaged, not enough intention to build anything real.

What makes it hard to walk away is that something is happening. Just not in reality.

One of the most important realizations I share in the episode is this:
attention and intention are not the same thing.

Fantasy access benefits the person avoiding risk — not the person open to connection.

And the way it ends isn’t confrontation. It isn’t a speech. It isn’t over-explaining.

It ends with neutrality.
With boundaries that don’t ask permission.
With clarity about who gets access to your time, energy, and emotional space.

If you’ve ever felt pulled toward someone who never quite arrives — this episode will put language to that experience.

A Few Favors (If You’re Up for It)

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As always, thank you for being here.
For listening.
For thinking.
For sharing your thoughts with me!

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