90% of the Hate Came From Women

Why This Matters & Why We Need to Change it

Last summer, the world watched a couple get caught in an embrace on the Coldplay Kiss Cam at Gillette Stadium. Chris Martin made an offhand comment about them either being shy or having an affair — and within hours, the internet had identified Kristin Cabot and Andy Byron, dismantled their professional reputations, and turned a two-second moment into a months-long scandal.

This week, Kristin sat down with Oprah for the first time and told her side of the story. I listened. I have thoughts. And they're probably different from what you'd expect.

She Was Already Separated

Here's the part most people skipped right past: Kristin and her husband were already separated, living apart, and planning their divorce. She wasn't sneaking around on a happy marriage. She was in the messy middle of ending one.

Andy Byron, the CEO of Astronomer and her boss, had told her he was going through the same thing. Two people in similar situations, working closely together, started talking. That's not scandalous. That's human.

They hadn't even touched before that night. She said their relationship had been professional, with occasional lunches and group happy hours mixed in. They'd acknowledged mutual feelings and were actually planning to go to the board to restructure the reporting line. Then came the Coldplay concert, a few High Noons, the Kiss Cam, and two seconds that blew up their entire lives.

The Fallout Was Disproportionate and Gendered

Here's where it gets infuriating. After the video went viral, Kristin received 50 to 60 death threats. Her phone was ringing 500 to 600 times a day. A local radio station shared her home address on air. People drove past her house yelling things. Women surrounded her car while she was shopping.

And Andy? He resigned a few days later and basically disappeared. He never made a public statement. He never confirmed that he was separated. He never stepped up and said a single word in her defense.

The company actually asked Kristin to stay. She chose to leave because she didn't think it was in the best interest. Meanwhile, the man who was also in that embrace — the man who was her boss — walked away with a fraction of the scrutiny.

90% of the Hate Came From Women

This is the part I can't stop thinking about. Kristin said that 90% of the online hate came from women. Every single in-person confrontation she experienced came from a woman. Her biggest disappointment through all of this wasn't the memes or the headlines. It was how other women treated her.

We throw around "women supporting women" and "girls' girl" constantly. And then 90% of the hate goes to the woman while the man walks away quietly. That math doesn't add up.

Oprah's theory was that Kristin became the face of "the woman who took my husband" — she looked like the girl next door, which made it feel personal for a lot of women. I think there's something to that. But I also think there's something darker going on.

Why We Judge Affairs So Harshly

I think people judge infidelity so harshly because it makes them feel better about their own lives. The comparison game is powerful. You might be behind on laundry, tired, disconnected from your partner — but at least you're not cheating. That small sense of moral superiority is addictive.

We've also labeled affairs as one of the worst things a person can do for centuries. So when someone gets caught, it's open season. We don't ask how they got there. We don't wonder about the context. We just judge.

And most of the time, we're learning about affairs when they blow up — when someone gets caught, when it becomes a scandal. We never see the why. We never see the years of loneliness or disconnection that led someone there. We just see the headline and fill in the rest with our own assumptions.

She Wasn't Playing Victim — She Was Reclaiming Her Story

I saw a creator say he thought Kristin was coming off as a victim. I disagree. I think she realized that by staying silent, she was letting the internet decide who she was. So she made a choice: if someone was going to tell her story, it was going to be her.

She owned where she made mistakes. She said she shouldn't have invited her boss to the concert. She acknowledged the awkwardness of being the Chief People Officer in that position. But she also drew a clear line — a mistake is not something you should receive death threats for. A moment of poor judgment should not mean strangers surrounding your car or looking through your windows.

The Tampon Test for Solidarity

Here's the thing I keep coming back to. If you've ever been in a public bathroom and asked a stranger for a tampon, you know what happens. She gives you one. No questions asked. Because every woman knows that feeling. That instinct — I got you — exists in all of us.

We need to bring that energy into harder spaces. Not just the bathroom. Not just the easy moments. But the moments where a woman stumbles and the crowd is ready to tear her apart. What if we paused? What if we said, let me hear the full story first?

I'm making that promise. I'd love it if you made it with me.

Frequently Asked Questions

Who is the Coldplay Kiss Cam couple? Kristin Cabot, then Chief People Officer of Astronomer, and Andy Byron, the company's CEO, were caught in an embrace on the Kiss Cam during a Coldplay concert at Gillette Stadium in Boston in July. The moment went viral after Chris Martin commented that they might be having an affair.

Was Kristin Cabot cheating on her husband? Kristin and her husband were already separated, living apart, and planning their divorce at the time of the concert. Her husband publicly confirmed their separation after the video went viral.

What happened to Andy Byron after the Kiss Cam video? Andy resigned from Astronomer a few days after the video went viral. He never publicly confirmed his marital status or made a statement in Kristin's defense, despite having told her privately that he was also separated.

Why did Kristin Cabot get more backlash than Andy Byron? Kristin reported that 90% of the online hatred and all of the in-person confrontations she experienced came from women. Experts and commentators, including Oprah, have suggested she became a symbol of "the woman who took my husband," which triggered a deeply personal reaction — while Andy largely avoided public scrutiny.

Did Kristin Cabot speak out about the Coldplay Kiss Cam? Yes. After months of silence, Kristin shared her full story on Oprah's podcast and in an article in the New York Post. She discussed the context of her separation, the development of her relationship with Andy, and the extreme harassment she faced in the aftermath.

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