Is the Other Woman a Homewrecker? I Read the Comments

A man I've never met read one article I wrote and left a comment. Basically, you're a wh*re.

That's it. That was the whole comment. Roughly 600 words of my life and he'd seen enough.

I've never been called a wh*re on the internet before. I don't think anyone in real life has ever called me that and meant it. I blocked him and the comment disappeared. But it got me thinking about how brazen people are with strangers online. And the ones who do it from an account with their real name on it? Are you crazy?

I have thoughts when I scroll too. I think them and I keep going. That's what normal people do.

So I went to YouTube, because YouTube comments are where it all lives, and I answered them.

Is the Other Woman a Homewrecker?

Someone left me "so you're a homewrecker" with a laughing face. No, I don't think so.

Every affair is different. Every one starts for a different reason, lasts as long as it lasts for its own reasons, and ends for a different reason. Mine ended because of me. I was done waiting.

There was no home wrecked because there just wasn't. That was the nature of the relationship. As far as I know, his wife knew. He told me she knew, and a handful of things happened during that relationship that made me believe that wasn't a lie.

Could it have been a lie? Sure. But you don't get to build the opposite story and then hand me the bill for it.

Why Do People Blame the Other Woman?

Here's what I notice in my comments. Someone watches one 15-minute video and writes my entire life story in their head. Then they judge me on the story they created, not the one that's true.

Did I have any upbringing? Of course I did. Didn't we all? Nobody comes out of the womb and raises themselves.

Then there are the religious comments telling me to repent and find God. I have God. I talk out loud to God and the universe all the time. And no, I didn't repent. I don't need to ask forgiveness for something I don't feel bad about. Isn't our God an all-loving God?

One woman told me she wasn't judging me, she was judging my actions. One and the same, babe.

And when someone tells me I have zero respect for anyone, including myself? I have an incredibly high level of self-respect. I had it then too. The way I respect myself today is different, but I've never lacked it.

Can an Affair Be Real Love?

"You called it love. It was not. It was clearly desperation."

No. It was love. I will never waver on that. It was true, real, honest, and pure. It changed my life, and I know it changed his.

You weren't there.

Someone else told me I was delusional, that if he'd left her for me I'd have become her. How you get them is how you lose them. I get why that saying exists. It exists because it's happened to people. I don't think it would have happened to us. But I'm not a mind reader. It didn't happen, so nobody knows. Speculation is just that.

How Could You Trust a Married Man?

This was the best comment I got, so I took it seriously. What made you think a married man lying to his wife wouldn't lie to you? Did he feed you a lot of BS? What made you think you were the exception?

Loving him was as easy as breathing. I've said it many times because it was true. There was nothing hard about it.

People forget that both people in an affair have agency over their own lives. Nobody forced me to be there. He wasn't holding me captive. He still had to court me. He still had to put in the effort to know me and pursue me, same as any relationship between two single people. There's just another person involved.

I don't think he convinced me of anything. I know what being loved feels like.

And I trusted him because we spent a fuck ton of time together. Outside of that time, I pretty much knew where he was.

We all say we're SO busy. The guy who disappears for a week of early dating and resurfaces with "I was so busy"? Were you? A married man with a big job, kids in different grades with different activities, and a girlfriend on top of all that is busy.

If he was seeing anyone else too, bravo to you, sir. I don't know how you found the time.

Why I Don't Feel Remorse

The same commenter asked how I could destroy another person's life for no reason and feel no remorse.

That's the assumption. As far as I know, no lives were destroyed. Maybe she'd accepted that's how life was. Maybe she had a boyfriend. I don't know. Neither does the person writing the comment.

I'm not going to feel bad about something I don't believe happened. And I'm not going to say I feel bad because people on the internet want me to.

When a Wife Comments

The last comment I read was from a wife. She told me her story under my video about his wife knowing. Then she wrote, "That is how the wife feels."

I told her no, that's how she feels after her unique experience. I said I was sorry for what she'd been through and I hoped she could choose herself first as she decided what came next.

She wrote back and it turned kind. She told me I deserve to be chosen too.

I think a lot of people in my comments just want someone to listen. So I answer. If you're mean, you get a thanks for watching. I got into a back-and-forth with a troll once and deleted the whole thing.

Keep commenting. Every comment pushes the video out further. Bring them on.

FAQ

Is the other woman a homewrecker?

Not automatically. Every affair is different. In my case, as far as I know his wife knew about me, and nothing in that home was wrecked by me. Calling the other woman a homewrecker assumes a story the commenter usually doesn't know.

Why do people blame the other woman instead of the cheater?

In my experience, people watch one video or read one article and build a whole story about who you are. Then they judge you on that story. The other woman is the easy target because she's the one telling it out loud.

Can an affair be real love?

Yes. Mine was. It was real, honest, and it changed both our lives. Being involved with someone who is married doesn't make the feelings fake.

How can the other woman trust a married man?

I trusted him because of how much time we spent together and because I knew where he was outside of it. Both people in an affair make their own choices. He still had to court me and earn my trust like anyone else.

Does the other woman feel guilty?

Some do. I don't. I'm not going to apologize for harm I don't believe happened, and I'm not going to say I feel bad because strangers online want me to.

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