Affairs, Proximity & the Pattern That Never Changed

The Other Woman Was Always in the Room

This week's Affairs Through the Ages episode was a wild one.

Six wives. Two beheadings. One man who literally created a new religion so he could divorce his wife. And somehow, every single time, the next woman was already in the room.

That's the part that got me.

Henry VIII didn't have to go looking. His future wives were his current wife's ladies-in-waiting. They were right there, serving the queen, in the same rooms as the king, every single day. The system was literally designed for proximity. And proximity is the game. It was then, and it still is now.

Think about how many affairs start at work. At the gym. In a friend group. It's not some dramatic movie moment. It's just... someone who's always around. Someone who's always there. And that closeness creates something that feels inevitable when really, it was just access.

But here's what really stuck with me while I was researching this episode. These women had nothing. No legal rights. No property. No ability to say no to a king. If Henry wanted you, that was it. It wasn't a proposal. It was a command. Catherine Parr, his last wife, was in love with someone else entirely when Henry decided she was next. She knew two of his previous wives had been beheaded. And she still had to say yes.

And yet every single one of these women found a way to play the hand she was dealt.

Catherine of Aragon refused to agree to the annulment and held firm until she died. A woman with no army and no allies made the King of England change an entire country's religion because she would not bend.

Anne Boleyn watched her own sister get used and discarded as Henry's mistress and said absolutely not, that's not happening to me. She refused to sleep with him for six years. Six years. She turned a physical pursuit into a political negotiation and walked away with a crown.

Anne of Cleves saw what happened to the women who fought and the women who stayed, and she chose a third option. She negotiated herself a settlement, properties, income, and the title of "the King's Beloved Sister." She outlived Henry and every other wife. The best divorce deal in Tudor history.

Catherine Parr performed submission to survive. When Henry was about to have her arrested, she went to him and told him she only debated religion to learn from his superior wisdom. She swallowed her pride to keep her head. And the moment he died, she married the man she'd actually loved all along.

Women have always had power. It's just how you play the game.

And then there's the pattern. Because that's really what this episode is about. Henry was never present in what he had. He was always chasing what was next. Writing love letters to Anne Boleyn for six years while still married to Catherine. Courting Jane Seymour while Anne was still queen. Chasing Catherine Howard while still married to Anne of Cleves.

The women changed. The circumstances changed. The pattern never did.

And I kept thinking... that's not a 1500s problem. That's a text you've gotten at 11pm from someone who told you they were too busy to call. That's the person who made you feel like the center of their world until they got what they wanted and suddenly you weren't enough anymore. That cycle of obsession, pursuit, disappointment, discard — it's been around for 500 years. At least.

So the next time someone says they're too busy, just remember: Henry VIII was running an entire country, fighting wars, and breaking from the Catholic Church, and he still found the time to write love letters for six years straight. We have the receipts. They survived.

If he wanted to, he would.

Listen to this week's Affairs Through the Ages by The Scarlet Edit to hear the full story.

❤️‍🔥 Want to learn more about The Scarlet Edit? Start here.
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